Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
