there's paper in my vomit.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
