we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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