I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
