I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
