He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
