I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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