Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
