hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
