This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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