I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
