after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
