i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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