I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cannot find my penis.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize