I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
