I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
