I think I died a long time ago.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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