either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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