Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
