Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
