woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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