so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
