OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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