While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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