My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
