Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize