Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
