if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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