what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
