there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
