I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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