My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
