I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
