Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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