Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize