hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize