Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
