haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
