oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
