So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
