i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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