i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
