I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
