Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
