absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
