Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
