he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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