I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
