thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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