The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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