oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
