So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i now understand why vodka
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
