I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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