You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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