Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
