Need sex. Gaining weight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
