Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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