I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
