He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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