i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize