I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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