It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
