Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
