I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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