Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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