He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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