I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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