So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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