shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
